Happy Birthday, John
by Cadenn
Summary: It's John's eighteenth birthday, and while his dad is out shopping, Dave Strider appears on his doorstep. How will the two of them celebrate John's special day?


**A/N I bet you there will be so many happy birthday fanfictions for John today, and like none for Jane. ehhhh**

**Oh welp.**

**Happy 4/13 guys~! This is my second 4/13 and I'm very excited even though I have absolutely nothing planned.**

**Anyways, this is a JohnDave fanfic, for my Homestuck otp and it's for John's birthday, and I swear I would have a fanfiction for Jane, if I felt I could write about her better. **

**Whateves.**

**btw this will not take place in sburb and all that stuff, because I am not caught up with Homestuck, cause it's so long and I read so slow.**

**Happy birthday Zoosmell Pooplord.**

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Your name is John Egbert and today is your eighteenth birthday.

Well, it's your cousin Jane's birthday too, but this is about you. Finally, you're eighteen, and you can do things that you couldn't before. You get out of your bed, and as soon as you walk out of your room, you're greeted by the smell of birthday cake. You exhale loudly, and wonder why your dad always does things like these. You walk down the stairs towards the kitchen, and find that your dad is not in there.

You decide to discover where he went later, and go to check if there is any food in this house, that isn't a goddamn birthday cake. After checking all the pantries, you find that all you have, is ingredients to make cake, and water. You're going to have to go shopping later.

You shuffle towards the stairs again, on the hunt for your father, and find a note sticking to the fridge. It reads "Son. If you are reading this, then that means that you have woken up and it is your eighteenth birthday. I have gone out to buy more cake ingredients. Your present should be there shortly. I am so proud of you."

You reread the note a few times, and wonder what he means by, "Your present will be there shortly." You figure that you'll know soon and go upstairs to bug your friends. You sit down in front of your computer and open up pesterchum. You decide first, to bug your sister, Jade, who was staying with Jane and Jake.

- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 9:42 -

EB: hi jade! guess what day it is today?

GG: i dunno, is it the day that my favorite show finally airs again?

GG: or maybe it's nicolas cage's birthday!

GG: isn't he your favorite actor

EB: yes, he is my lord and savior, but you're wrong

EB: like, waaaaaaaaaaay off

EB: geez jade, i thought you'd remember such an important day

EB: i thought what we had was special

GG: now john, don't get all sentimental and break off into a sad rap like dave always does

GG: i'm tired of that boy's crap

EB: jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaade!

GG: jooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohn! hehe

EB: now you're just making fun of me

GG: of course i am, isn't that what sisters are for? silly

GG: happy birthday john! :D

GG: how old are you now, like a million

GG: i swear you're getting grey hairs and wrinkles

GG: you should really get that checked out

EB: wow, you were being sweet until you brought up my grey hairs

EB: that's just low

GG: i only tell you this because i love you

EB: ooooookay jade, whatever

EB: i think dad just pulled into the driveway

EB: i must destroy his cake making supplies

EB: i'm gone

- ectoBiologist [EB] stopped pestering gardenGnostic [GG] -

GG: oh no be careful my brother! hehe

- gardenGnostic [GG] stopped pestering ectoBiologist [EB] -

You walk down the stairs, waiting to pounce as soon as your dad walks in the house. Any second now, he will come walking in, acting as if it's completely normal to have enough cake ingredients to last a lifetime.

You sit on the steps a few more moments, wondering why it's taking so long for your dad to walk inside, and you think, 'Maybe he got more ingredients than usual, and needs help opening the door?' You stand up and walk towards the door, when you hear someone knock on the door. You rush to look out the window on the top of your door, but then you remember that you're too short to reach it. You sigh and grab the door handle.

You open the door to a giant wearing a broken record shirt. You look up, and cock your head to the side. It takes you a second, but then you recognize who it is.

Signature shades, broken record shirt, blonde hair swept to the side. It is the one and only Dave Strider. The Dave Strider that you've known since you were like 12. The Dave Strider who's supposed to be in Texas.

"Egbert?" You hear him ask.

You take a step back and look up at his face. You chuckle a bit, and then throw yourself on him. He stumbles back a bit, and quickly regains his balance, wrapping his arms around you to hold you up.

"Hi Dave!" You say excitedly, looking straight at his face. This close up, you can see the vibrant red irises through the lenses of his shades.

"Hey dude. You gonna explain why you just leaped into my arms all ballerina style?" He asks you.

You laugh and say, "'Cause it's my birthday so I can do what I want. Are YOU gonna explain why you all of a sudden appeared on my door step here in Washington, when you're s'posed to be in Texas?"

"Oh yeah it's your birthday, yeah that's why I'm here. I'm here to celebrate the day you came out of a vagina and into this shitty world. Happy day you came out of your mother, John."

This surprises you a bit. Dave is here for your birthday? Why is he here just for your birthday? He smirks at your confused expression and walks inside, still carrying you, and somehow manages to shut the door behind him.

"Your dad told me I should come John. I'm your birthday present. Congratulations you got a hot piece of Strider ass at your side for your birthday."

Well that made more sense. You remembered the note your dad had written you earlier, and nodded a bit in understanding. He walked over to the couch and plopped down on it, with you on his lap. You sat there for a second, thinking, why would your dad give you DAVE as a present? Not that he's a bad present or anything, but why?

You realize that Dave is staring at you questioningly, and get off his lap to sit beside him instead. You look at him and ask, "So, how long you gonna be here for?"

He nods his head back and forth for a second, as if he was trying to remember how long, and then answers you, "About 2 or 3 weeks I think? I'm honestly worried for my mental health. By the end of those few weeks I'm probably gonna be brain washed by Nicolas Cage and your other shitty movies. You're gonna send me back to Bro as a zombie. He's gonna cry because of you. I'm probably gonna be all chubby and shit too, because from what I heard, all you eat around here is cake. So you either have a fast as fuck metabolism going on, or you secretly don't eat some of the cake your dad lovingly makes you, and if that's the case then I'm gonna have to tell him and it's going to break his heart."

You process all the stuff he just spit out at you and you realize, this boy talks fast. It's probably all the damn rapping he does. It's getting to his brain. Then, you realize that he just talked crap about Nicolas Cage and your favorite movies. You smack his arm and start bouncing up and down on the couch. "My movies aren't shitty! I bet you've never even seen them, so you have absolutely no idea what you're talking about Dave!"

Dave chuckles at you a bit and puts his hands up, "Okay okay, don't get your panties in a twist Egbert. Now, why don't we go eat some cake or some shit?"

You sigh and lead Dave into the kitchen. You look at the giant cake waiting on the counter and frown. Grabbing a knife to cut the cake with, you tell Dave wear the plates are and have him bring them to you. After cutting the cake and giving Dave his slice, you grab your plate and walk back into the living room. Sitting back down on the couch, you take a bite of the cake, and watch as Dave takes a bite as well.

As he eats it, you watch him contently. You didn't realize this before, because you were distracted by him talking, but he is really quite good looking. He stops eating for a second and watches you. You were currently pretending to eat the cake, when really you were just uselessly rubbing the frosting on your nose and cheeks. He tries to stifle his laughter, and leans closer to you.

"So John, did you just realize just how amazingly sexy I am and now you know that you absolutely have the hots for me?" This made you blush pink and lean away from him, which caused him to lean in closer to you. "Y'know Egbert, the whole frosting covering your entire face look really doesn't work for you. Lemme fix that for ya." You finally realize that there is frosting all over your face and flush bright red for making yourself look like a fool, and to make it worse, Dave just leaned in and licked your face.

You jump off the couch and glare at him, and he just innocently shrugs his shoulders and chuckles. "I was just trying to help your fashion statement, and I wasn't going to let that frosting go to waste dude." You stomp off to the bathroom so you can wipe the remaining frosting off of your face. You look in the mirror and frown at your reflection. You turn the faucet and splash some of the running water on your face. You look back up at the reflection and let out a yelp when you see that Dave is standing behind you.

"Woah there Egbert, don't look so excited to see me." He says with a smirk. You turn the water off and walk out of the bathroom, ignoring Dave. "C'mon John, don't be mad at me for licking your face. You're the one that was giving me the bedroom eyes while I was just trying to eat my cake. Like yo, can't a dude eat his cake without being looked at like he's the sweet piece of cake?"

"I wasn't giving you bedroom eyes! Daveeee!" You whine loudly and walk down the hall towards your bedroom.

Once you're in your room, you jump on the bed and lay there, face in your pillow. You feel Dave sit on the bed next to you.

"John don't you ignore me the first day I get here. Not even 15 minutes ago you were hopping into my arms like a puppy that hadn't seen it's owner in months." This gets him a face full of pillow. You sit up next to him, about to say some dumb retort, when you hear your dad pulling into the driveway. This time, it has to be him.

"I must destroy the cake making ingredients." You say and look at Dave, "Are you going to join me on my mission?"

"Of course Officer Egbert. Those ingredients are a lethal weapon, dangerous to everyone in this household, Striders and Egberts alike."

You stand up and start walking towards your door, until you remember the most vital part of your plan. Your disguises. You pull out the fedora you stole from your dad, and put it on Dave's head. You also snatch his shades off his face and replace them with your novelty glasses. You place the shades on your face, over your normal glasses, and grab your magician hat.

The two of you walk out the door, and down the stairs, waiting to jump on your dad as soon as he walks in the house, to destroy the ingredients to the nastiest poison ever made by mankind. Betty Crocker cake.

Your father walks inside a few seconds later, and you look at Dave. He nods in understanding and the two of you jump on your dad, who seems as if he knew the attack was coming. He chuckles a bit, and holds the cake ingredients over his head where even Dave cannot reach them.

"Now boys, please don't attack the cake ingredients. These are very important everyday necessities that we need to live. Also, Dave nice to see you." He says to you too and then walks towards the kitchen. You and Dave walk back upstairs and go into your bedroom.

"Officer Strider, our mission, has failed."

"Officer Egbert, our boss just called me, and he says punishment for failing is that you have to kiss me." He says to you and takes a step towards you.

It takes a second for you to register what he just said to you, and when you realize it, it's to late, because Dave has his arms around your waist and his lips are dangerously close to yours. He presses his lips against yours and when he pulls away you run to the safety of your bed and sit in the corner farthest from him. He chuckles at you and leaves your room to go downstairs and talk to your dad, and so he can grab his bag.

In the moments you have sitting alone, you process what just happened. So Dave kissed you. That's normal. Ish. Yeah. You sigh and pull your blanket so it's wrapped around you. You had known for a while that you really weren't into girls, but what you hadn't known is that Dave also wasn't into girls. At least you were assuming he wasn't into girls, seeing as he just kissed you. Then you realized, that was your first kiss. Today was your eighteenth birthday and your first kiss was with your best bro. Huh, it actually didn't seem that weird to you.

Dave walks into your room, with his bag, and takes in the sight of you curled into a ball with your blanket wrapped around you and he chuckles. He comes to sit next to you and it's him who breaks the silence.

"Ya okay over there Egbert? You look like you wanna stab me." You mumble something incoherent, but what you meant to do is ask why he kissed you, and luckily he's a mind reader or something, cause he explains it for you. "You're probs wonderin' why I kissed you out of nowhere like that, and ya know, honestly I just kinda did it. You were looking pretty cute and I just had an urge to put my oh so nice Strider lips upon your little baby Egbert lips. Is that explanation enough?"

You shrug at him, and ask, "Does this mean that you like me or something?"

He chuckles and shrugs right back at you. "I dunno. Like I said, you were just looking cute so I did it. I wouldn't have any problems if you were to like this hot piece of Strider though."

This caught you a bit off guard. Did you like Dave? You honestly didn't know, cause you never thought about this kind of thing before. You liked him enough to think he was attractive, and you definitely didn't hate it when he kissed you. You shook your head at your own thoughts and mumbled, "I guess I don't dislike you or anything."

This caused Dave to look at you and scoot closer. "So ya do like me do you?" He asked you, smirking. You gulped and nodded once, at his question. This made an actual smile break out onto his face and he tackled you. Nuzzling into your neck he said, "I like you too, Egbert."

After laying like that for a few minutes, your dad knocked on the door, saying that he would be cutting the cake in a few minutes, and to come downstairs when you were ready. Dave pulled himself off of you and grabbed your face. You shut your eyes and closed the distance between you two, pressing your lips together.

You stayed together like that for a few moments before he pulled away and put his head on your shoulder.

"Happy birthday, John." He said, and then got off your bed, and dragged you down the stairs to celebrate your birthday with your dad.

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**A/N Okie dokie, this took me like 2 hours to write and I don't know why. ugh.**

**I may continue it? I guess it's up to you guys, cause I don't want to continue a story people don't like. So yeah hehe**

**As always, thanks for reading, and reviews are always welcome~!**


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